Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
When somebody makes you really angry, count to three.
When you get to two, punch them in the face. They won't be expecting that.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot.
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked:
- You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
- Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said: "We have reached your destination".
The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver.
The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did.
But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied: "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"