- Have you ever smelled mothballs?
- How did you get his little legs apart?
A man is fishing and he catches a crocodile.
The crocodile tells him, "Please let me go! I'll grant you any wish you desire."
The man says, "Okay, I wish my penis could touch the ground."
The crocodile then bites his legs off.
Do all fairy tales begin with "once upon a time" ?
No. Some begin with "If I am elected..."
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds: "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe as his boss lectured and answered difficult questions about the nature of things and the meaning of life.
Then, one day, the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for just one evening. The philosopher agreed, and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well.
However, when the time came for questions, someone at the back of the room asked him, "Is the epistemological meta-narrative that you seem to espouse compatible with a teleological account of the universe?"
"That's an extremely simple question," he replied. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer it."