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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Who ate the donuts?

Mom: Did you eat all the donuts?

Me: No.

Mom: Why are you lying to me? I can see all the powder on your pants?

Me: That is cocaine...

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Mother of my kids

Man: "Would you like to become...

... ahh... mother of my kids?

Blonde: "Why not? How many kids you have?"

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My deaf girlfriend

My deaf girlfriend started talking in her sleep in bed last night.

...nearly had my eye out!

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"Marriage" is not a word.

It is a sentence.

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