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Words of wisdom...


Indecision is the key to flexibility.


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Between doctor and patient


Doctor says to a patient: "Now breathe in deeply through your nose."

The patient does so and the doctor starts to laugh. The patient asks what is the matter?

The doctor wipes his tears and says, "I just farted."


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Passport picture


If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.


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A Mafia Attorney and the Accountant


A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!"

The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!"

The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell... ...that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger.


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An elderly couple was attending church services


An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband. "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

He replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."


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