Student: What's infinity?
Math Teacher: Think of a number.
Student: Okay, I've got one.
Teacher: Good. That's not it.
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Just put her in front of a mirror and have her play "Stone, paper, scissors."
A soldier, serving overseas far from home, was annoyed and upset when his girlfriend wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.
He went and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them together, and sent them back with a note saying:
I regret that I can't remember which one you are. Please keep your photo and return the others.
"You are so kind, funny and beautiful."
"Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed."
"And smart, too!"
Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.