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Bat's worst day

Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"

The other responds: "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"

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A renowned philosopher and his driver

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe as his boss lectured and answered difficult questions about the nature of things and the meaning of life.

Then, one day, the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for just one evening. The philosopher agreed, and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well.

However, when the time came for questions, someone at the back of the room asked him, "Is the epistemological meta-narrative that you seem to espouse compatible with a teleological account of the universe?"

"That's an extremely simple question," he replied. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer it."

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Ice cream for Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama walks into an ice cream shop. He asks the server: "can you make me one with everything?"

He hands the server a hundred dollar bill, which the server pockets.

Dalai Lama says "Hey, where's my change?"

Server: "Change comes from within."

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Two hunters and the emergency services

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

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Engagement ring, wedding ring and...

Marriage is made up of three rings.

The first one is called as the 'Engagement Ring'. The second one is called as the 'Wedding Ring'. And the third one is called as the 'Suffering'.

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