Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral.
"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said.
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. The loan officer checked the records and told him, "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest."
The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away. "Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
Honey, you really don't have to do the dishes on your birthday. Do it tomorrow.
A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife: Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!
What happened, did you run out of toilet paper?
No, restart the router, please!
Wife: Honey, can I hold Henry? (their new baby)
Husband: Wait until he cries.
Wife: But why ???
Husband: Because I CAN'T FIND HIM !!!!!!
A wife is like a hand grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.