Two men are driving through London when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his stick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the officer smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?".
The officer answers, "You're in London son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The officer does a check on the driver's license, and he's O.K... He gives the man his license back, walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the officer smacks him on the head with the stick.
The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?"
The officer says, "Just making your wish come true."
The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"
The officer says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say to your friend here, "I wish that a*shole would've tried that sh*t with me!"
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked:
- You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
- Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said: "We have reached your destination".
The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver.
The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did.
But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied: "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"