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WANTED:

GOOD WOMAN

Must be able to clean, cook, sew, dig worms and clean fish. Must have boat and motor.

Please send a picture of boat and motor.


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Mind your own business


How I learned to mind my own business?

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting: "13...13...13...13".

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked trough to see what was going on.

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick, then they all started shouting: "14...14...14".


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Stop That!


A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.

Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect.

So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop That!"

The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"


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Lunatic on the road


An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone.

"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".

"It's worse than that", he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"


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I bet you are virgin


Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."


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