Bob, Rob, and Robert live on the six hundredth floor of an apartment building.
One day, the elevators are broken, so they have to take the stairs.
To entertain themselves, they decide that for the first 200 floors, Bob will tell happy stories, for the middle 200 floors, Rob will tell funny stories, and for the last 200 floors, Robert will tell sad stories.
On the 401st floor, Robert says, "Here's my sad story: I left our apartment's keys in the car."
I was in a restaurant once and I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my reliefs to the beat of the music.
After just a few songs I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me...
That was when I remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client.
"What's the bad news?"
The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene."
"Dammit!" cries the client.
"What's the good news?"
"Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."
Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example.
You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.