Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married.
"Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back."
Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you."
The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?"
To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here - how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"
I asked my North Korean friend how it was to live in North Korea.
He said he can't complain.
And God said to John: "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.'
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?'
The boy takes the quarters and leaves. 'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'
The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!'
Forex trader goes at the street and very nice young lady ask him:
Lady: Dear sir, I am making poll, can I ask you simple question?
Forex trader: Of course you can.
Lady: What is your average income?
Forex trader: My average income is around 200 000 $.
Lady: I'm sorry, I thought your monthly income.
Forex trader: I'm sorry, I thought daily.