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Real estate agent and the genie


A real estate agent walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. "I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."

The salesman thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like $10 million," he said. Instantly, the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10 million had been deposited in it. "But your rival has just received $20 million" the genie said.

"I've always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said. Instantly, a Ferrari appeared. "But your rival has just received two Ferraris," the genie said.

"And what is your last wish?" "Well," said the salesman, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney for a transplant."


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Excuse me, may I interview you?


Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."


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Optimist and pessimist


An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it's an exit.

A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.

The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.


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Mathematics


Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

A: Big hands.


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If you accidentally drop your iPhone in the water...


If you accidentally drop your iPhone in the water, leave it lying on top of a bowl of rice for 24 hrs.

The rice attracts Asians who will automatically fix your electronics for you.


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