After my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed.
My address, my job, my phone number...
Who sells the products cheaper - a manufacturer or a distributor?
The storehouse guard.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says: 'What the hell was that all about?'
A clean house is the sign of a broken internet connection.
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, 'You should've been here at 8.30!'
He replies. 'Why? What happened at 8.30?'