Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you're nothing.
Electricity: Keep talking, b*tches.
Patient: Oh doctor, I'm just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.
Man: Hi, do you want to dance?
Woman: Yeah, sure!
Man: Great, go and dance, I want to talk to your friend!
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.