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He who laughs last...


He who laughs last, thinks slowest.


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If you accidentally drop your iPhone in the water...


If you accidentally drop your iPhone in the water, leave it lying on top of a bowl of rice for 24 hrs.

The rice attracts Asians who will automatically fix your electronics for you.


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Do you want to dance?


Man: Hi, do you want to dance?

Woman: Yeah, sure!

Man: Great, go and dance, I want to talk to your friend!


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My wife is cooking


My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.


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Dad to his daughter...


Dad to his daughter: "If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level."


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