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Wikipedia, Google, Facebook, Internet

Wikipedia: I know everything!

Google: I have everything!

Facebook: I know everybody!

Internet: Without me you're nothing.

Electricity: Keep talking, b*tches.

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A patient and the doctor

Patient: Oh doctor, I'm just so nervous. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.

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Do you want to dance?

Man: Hi, do you want to dance?

Woman: Yeah, sure!

Man: Great, go and dance, I want to talk to your friend!

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He who laughs last...

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

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My wife is cooking

My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

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