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Dad to his daughter...

Dad to his daughter: "If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level."

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Somebody broke into my house

Somebody broke into my house yesterday, and stole all my lamps.

I was delighted.

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Farting in a lift

Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels!

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Blonde's problem

Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?

A: She couldn't find the "10" button.

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What shortens your life?

One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday - eight hours.

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