Somebody broke into my house yesterday, and stole all my lamps.
I was delighted.
Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels!
One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday - eight hours.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
A: She couldn't find the "10" button.
My girlfriend told me I was one in a million. When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.