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One in a million

My girlfriend told me I was one in a million. When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.

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Pizza vs. Police

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

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Blondes' apartment on fire

Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.

"Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.

"Help us, help us!" yells the other.

"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.

"Good idea," said the other.

"Together, together!"

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.

The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home.

The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.

The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

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Poor shark

Q: Why did the shark keep swimming in circles?

A: It had a nosebleed.

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