A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
Be polite to every idiot you meet. He could be your boss tomorrow.
Bill Gates farted in an Apple store.
He later commented, "Well it's hardly my fault they don't have any Windows..."
"Darling, can I go out in this dress?"
"Yes dear, it's already dark out."
Shortest joke a software developer can tell: "I'll be ready soon."