Bill Gates farted in an Apple store.
He later commented, "Well it's hardly my fault they don't have any Windows..."
I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
A happy insurance boss says to his employees, "You worked very hard this year. As a reward, I'll give everyone a check for $5,000. If you work with the same zeal next year, I'll sign those checks."
Shortest joke a software developer can tell: "I'll be ready soon."