I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
"Darling, can I go out in this dress?"
"Yes dear, it's already dark out."
Shortest joke a software developer can tell: "I'll be ready soon."
Bill Gates farted in an Apple store.
He later commented, "Well it's hardly my fault they don't have any Windows..."
What's the difference between a smart man and a stupid man?
Nothing. They both think they know everything.