A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said:
"Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo."
The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman.
The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!"
The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."
How do you get a group of personal injury attorneys to smile for a picture?
Just say "Fees!"
If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my math class: it would seem so much longer.
I know my drinking limits: if I fell down, it means ENOUGH.
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen."
"OK Doc!" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice."
"I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."