To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of vodka not only will decorate the table, but also will hide your cooking mistakes.
What's the difference between a real estate agent and an accountant?
The accountant knows he is boring.
A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how everything works.
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the IT specialist, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.