Most of the time, when you cry, nobody notices the tears you shed. Most of the time, when you're facing trouble, nobody feels your pain. But try farting in public just one time!
Lawyer's wife: "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?"
Lawyer: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Lawyer's wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Lawyer: "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'"
Q: What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
A: Bugs bunny.
I used to be in a band, we were called "lost dog". You probably saw our posters.
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer...
I saw the video... we need to talk.