Theory is when you know everything, but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works, but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined:
Nothing works and no one knows why.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
A man visits his bank manager and says, "How do I start a small business?"
The manager replies, "Start a large one and wait six months."
Q. What's the worst thing about being lonely?
A. Playing Frisbee.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it's not enough to say "NO".
You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary.