Q. What's the worst thing about being lonely?
A. Playing Frisbee.
A man visits his bank manager and says, "How do I start a small business?"
The manager replies, "Start a large one and wait six months."
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it's not enough to say "NO".
You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary.
Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!