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Roaches enjoying a snack

So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. "Hey Tom" said Oscar to his friend, "You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn't believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny waxed floor."

"Oscar" hollered Tom, spitting the food out of his mouth, "please not while I am eating !!!"

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Successful people

Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.

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Yo mamma

Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!

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There is good in everybody

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

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A man visits a doctor for a checkup. When it's over, the doctor tells him he has bad news. "You have only six months to live."

The man digests it for a while and then exclaims, "There's just one thing I can do, I have to become a Communist."

Surprised, the doctor asks, "But you've been a patriotic American all your life, why would you become a Communist now?"

The man says, "Better when one of them dies than one of us!"

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