If a woman asks if she looks fat, it's not enough to say "NO".
You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary.
Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!
So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. "Hey Tom" said Oscar to his friend, "You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn't believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny waxed floor."
"Oscar" hollered Tom, spitting the food out of his mouth, "please not while I am eating !!!"
Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.