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Being lonely


Q. What's the worst thing about being lonely?

A. Playing Frisbee.


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How to respond to woman's question?


If a woman asks if she looks fat, it's not enough to say "NO".

You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary.


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Roaches enjoying a snack


So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. "Hey Tom" said Oscar to his friend, "You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn't believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny waxed floor."

"Oscar" hollered Tom, spitting the food out of his mouth, "please not while I am eating !!!"


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Successful people


Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.


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Communist


A man visits a doctor for a checkup. When it's over, the doctor tells him he has bad news. "You have only six months to live."

The man digests it for a while and then exclaims, "There's just one thing I can do, I have to become a Communist."

Surprised, the doctor asks, "But you've been a patriotic American all your life, why would you become a Communist now?"

The man says, "Better when one of them dies than one of us!"


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