Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.
A man visits a doctor for a checkup. When it's over, the doctor tells him he has bad news. "You have only six months to live."
The man digests it for a while and then exclaims, "There's just one thing I can do, I have to become a Communist."
Surprised, the doctor asks, "But you've been a patriotic American all your life, why would you become a Communist now?"
The man says, "Better when one of them dies than one of us!"
So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. "Hey Tom" said Oscar to his friend, "You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn't believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny waxed floor."
"Oscar" hollered Tom, spitting the food out of his mouth, "please not while I am eating !!!"
If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my math class: it would seem so much longer.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."