Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
Sometimes I drink water - just to surprise my liver.
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calender?
They both got 6 months!
A man wakes from a coma.
The wife changes out of her black clothes and irritated, remarks, "I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!"