Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"
Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!"
Some children can pee their names into snow. Chuck Norris pees his in cement.
Even though he can, naturally, Chuck Norris never swims, the water holds Chuck Norris up.
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should get the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in union, "Okay, dad. You get the toy."
Tooth said to tongue:
"If I just press you little, you will get cut."
"If I misuse one word, all 32 of you will come out.