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To do business with a drunk professional


It's better to do business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.

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Pessimist and optimist


Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"

Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!"


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Children, snow and Chuck Norris


Some children can pee their names into snow. Chuck Norris pees his in cement.


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Chuck Norris


Even though he can, naturally, Chuck Norris never swims, the water holds Chuck Norris up.


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Father of five children


The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should get the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in union, "Okay, dad. You get the toy."


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