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To do business with a drunk professional

It's better to do business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.

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Pessimist and optimist

Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"

Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!"

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Children, snow and Chuck Norris

Some children can pee their names into snow. Chuck Norris pees his in cement.

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Feminist picnic

Why was the feminist picnic cancelled?

Because nobody made sandwiches.

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Father of five children

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should get the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in union, "Okay, dad. You get the toy."

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