"It's a bird!"
"It's a plane!"
"It's... Oh shit, it IS a plane!"
"Mother, why do people die so quickly in our family?"
Q: How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?
A: She says. "Daddy, I need a new apartment!"
A guy dies and is sent to hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in dirt up to their necks. The guy says, 'No, let me see the next room.'
In the second room, people are standing in dirt up to their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally Satan opens the third room. People are standing with dirt up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating pastries. The guy says, 'I pick this room.'
Satan says OK and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, 'OK, coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!'
Q: What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge into a river?
Q: What do you call all the lawyers thrown off a bridge?