What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
Arguing with men is fun, even if they win... they still lose.
Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush by the roadside.
Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.
"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?"
"Go away! I'm crapping!"
Money doesn't buy you happiness but it can buy you a jet-ski. It is impossible to be sad when you're riding on the jet-ski.
Q: What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
A: "Nobody's perfect!"